Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
