sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
