peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
