i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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