Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
