One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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