I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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