Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
