I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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