If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
