No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
