She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
