I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
