im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
