My hand turned me down
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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