He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
