i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We don't watch enough power rangers
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
