Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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