apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
