You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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