I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
