I hope mine doesn't look like that
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
