'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
