yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
