i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
