i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
