Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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