When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
