My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
