saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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