When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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