So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize