I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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