I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
