It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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