I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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