I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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