I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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