Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
