# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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