you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
