dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
