woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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