she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
