i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
