3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
