I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
