I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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