Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
