I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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