i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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