Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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