you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
