i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
