we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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