So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
