Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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