walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
