i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
