the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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