i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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