If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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