I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
