I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
