If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
