Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
