Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
